Trapped in suburbia

I live in a suburban development, Stepford comes to mind. And yee God the lawns. What is the deal? Is there some kind of suburban bible? Did these people go to suburbanite school when they were little? If there is a ten commandments of suburban living then numbers one, two and three on the list and maybe even four and five as well all must have to do the GDF primping, preening, watering, spraying and cutting fetish called the suburban lawn. At the top of my list of lawn gripes is the obscene use of chemlawn. Every three weeks one of these companies is out here spewing some pesticide or other.

When you drive into my development it looks "nice" - all trimmed and neat, nothing out of place. All the mailboxes are the same color – white. All the mulch around the bushes is the same color - everyone but me uses the same dyed black mulch. Why is that necessary? Personally I think it looks synthetic. But why do they all have to use the same mulch? Now I'm not an anarchist and I'm not suggesting I want the place to look like a dump. I just want some variety and individuality.

Here are a few suggestions to improve the look of the neighborhood. All objects would go in someone's front yard.

An old car jammed front grille down into the ground with the back end sticking up.

A sculpture of a naked person or at least the occasional naked person walking down the street.

a roadside fruit stand

some Amish buggies

a stuffed alligator

a dead pirate (dummy of course) hanging from a tree

a six foot Toy Story character

or how about a bunch of trees and lots of bushes – ordinary I know but better than nothing but these sterile looking pesticide ridden monoculture lawns.