Thoughtful Jack

Christmas lights burnout

2011-12-10T14:36:00.001-05:00

Fun photos

2011-02-05T14:15:00.000-05:00

A bit of tool, as in workshop, humor

2011-02-04T16:18:00.002-05:00

Tools Explained:

ELECTRIC WIRE BRUSH: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes skin and hard-earned calluses in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh--!'

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the
outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

2011-01-30T10:45:00.000-05:00

cool has a new meaning

Jack Benny joke

2011-01-20T15:12:00.000-05:00

I just got off the phone with a friend in North Dakota. He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping below zero and the north wind is increasing.

His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window all day.

He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

Dinner at my house

2010-12-26T13:03:00.001-05:00

photos by Rachel Bee Porter

Merry Christmas

2010-12-25T10:27:00.001-05:00

Rachel McAdams and Lindsey Lohan in Mean Girls

Great whale rescue story

2010-12-08T09:38:00.000-05:00

The Whale... If you read a recent front page story of the San Francisco Chronicle, you would have read about a female humpback whale who had become entangled in a spider web of crab traps and lines. She was weighted down by hundreds of pounds of traps that caused her to struggle to stay afloat. She also had hundreds of yards of line rope wrapped around her body, her tail, her torso, a line tugging in her mouth. A fisherman spotted her just east of the Farallon Islands (outside the Golden Gate) and radioed an environmental group for help. Within a few hours, the rescue team arrived and determined that she was so bad off, the only way to save her was to dive in and untangle her. They worked for hours with curved knives and eventually freed her. When she was free, the divers say she swam in what seemed like joyous circles. She then came back to each and every diver, one at a time, and nudged them, pushed them gently around as she was thanking them. Some said it was the most incredibly beautiful experience of their lives. The guy who cut the rope out of her mouth said her eyes were following him the whole time, and he will never be the same.

Katy Perry on The Simpsons Christmas special

2010-12-06T20:41:00.002-05:00

The last few minutes of the show was a Muppets segment. Very clever and funny. You can watch the entire episode, for awhile, on Hulu.com.

Animated Bach

2010-11-06T13:33:00.002-04:00

2010-10-30T06:16:00.000-04:00

There are two kinds of people, those chasing pleasure and those running from pain. Pleasure helps you forget, but pain forces you to hope.

Robert Cormier

George Carlin - People are Boring

2010-10-30T06:02:00.000-04:00

New Yorker cartoon

2010-10-29T10:00:00.002-04:00

Impresive amazing stunts and athletic feats

2010-10-29T09:58:00.000-04:00

John Cleese in Faulty Towers

2010-10-29T08:41:00.002-04:00

Faulty Towers, episode #7, "Communication Problems."
Faulty Towers is one of the best sitcoms ever.

Jimmy Kimmel spoofs Charlie Sheen's publicist

2010-10-27T17:20:00.002-04:00

Charlie Sheen made headlines again when he was found naked and drunk in a trashed NYC hotel room. On "Jimmy Kimmel Live," Kimmel had some fun sympathized with Sheen's publicist.

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Stop-action animation commercial - interior of house gets knitted

2010-10-25T10:25:00.001-04:00

Aardgas Gaz Naturel by Lovofilms
The inside of the house gets a wool knitting to keep warm.

Forkless bicycle with floating front wheel

2010-10-23T08:10:00.000-04:00

Phantom Bike by Olli Erkkila

SNL Weekend Update with Chevy Chase and Dan Akroyd 1975

2010-10-23T07:09:00.000-04:00

Mad Men's Bette Draper has a date with her washing mashine

2010-10-22T13:52:00.002-04:00

2010-10-22T09:58:00.000-04:00

Charlie Chaplin and Jackie Coogan in The Kid (1921)

Jackie Coogan starred in The Addams Family TV series in the 60s. He played Uncle Fester Frump.

Mad Men's new femme fatale Jessica Pare

2010-10-21T19:06:00.002-04:00

Barfing pumpkin

2010-10-20T20:45:00.002-04:00

Mad Men theme song with added lyrics

2010-10-20T20:45:00.000-04:00

For Mad Men fans. From Videos Recorded Live:

We loved the song "A Beautiful Mine" by RJD2 that plays during the opening credits of "Mad Men." We wanted to put lyrics to it and realized that "Nature Boy" made famous by Nat King Cole was the perfect fit.

stop-motion animation video with T-shirts

2010-10-18T18:39:00.001-04:00

T-Shirt War by Rhett&Link

Best Unknown Halloween Songs

2010-10-18T11:24:00.000-04:00

Most lists will give you Ghostbusters, Monster Mash, Thriller, Purple People Eater and so on. However, below are some good Halloween songs that I've not seen listed elsewhere. They're fun, not dark. For example, I've included "Oogie Boogie's Song" from the movie The Nightmare Before Christmas and not "This is Halloween" which I think fits a more heavy rock collection.
Halloween Spooks by Lambert, Hendricks & Ross. LH & R are a jazz group.
The Skeleton in the Closet by Louis Armstrong
Hell by Squirrel Nut Zippers
It's Halloween by Victor R. Vampire & Friends. Basically a kids song but I like it.
Oogie Boogie's Song from The Nightmare Before Christmas
It Must Be Halloween by Trout Fishing in America. A kids song. It's okay.
Jump in the Line by Harry Belafonte is sometimes included in Halloween song lists I guess because it was in the movie Beetlejuice. I include it myself because I think it fits in with my other songs even though it's not really a Halloween song. If you include it I also recommend the following to go with it:
Your Feet's Too Big by Fats Waller
Just a Gigolo/I Ain't Got Nobody by Louis Prima
Mack the Knife by Louis Armstrong

2010-10-17T12:48:00.003-04:00

Henry Stinson, Bad Boys and Girls

SNL edible diaper commercial

2010-10-16T12:40:00.000-04:00

Disposable diapers produce dioxin from bleaching, they use virgin pulp from 250,000 trees per year and stuff landfills with 3.5 million tons of untreated sewage.

Smoking cigarettes collage

2010-10-15T20:19:00.000-04:00

Does George Will work for ExxonMobil?

2010-10-14T13:43:00.012-04:00

Post has moved to my new blog at E Journal

Woman swimming in bed - stop-motion animation

2010-10-12T14:48:00.002-04:00

Her Morning Elegance by Oren Lavie

Street artist Banksy does new Simpsons intro

2010-10-11T19:23:00.002-04:00

2010-10-10T13:01:00.003-04:00

Vincent Giarrano - Shop Girl

Freaks and Geeks - best teen TV show

2010-10-09T20:40:00.002-04:00

The actress James Franco is making time with is Rashida Jones (The Office. And daughter of composer Quincy Jones and actress Peggy Lipton). Franco is currently attending Yale working on his PhD and he apparently has a book coming out soon too.
Freaks and Geeks can be seen on the IFC channel.

Allen Havey stand-up on Letterman

2010-10-09T20:09:00.004-04:00

2010-10-08T17:55:00.003-04:00

by Brandi Milne

In the mood for Halloween

2010-10-07T19:41:00.001-04:00

Mad Men smoke that cigarette

2010-10-06T15:51:00.003-04:00

Excellent.

Morgan Freeman as a singing Count Dracula in a bathtup casket

2010-10-06T10:02:00.006-04:00

The post title says it all. It's pretty bad but it's kind of campy and Morgan Freeman so cool in everything else it's fun to see him act like such a goof.
What better way to kick off Halloween month.

Tiny woman on bumble bee - stop-motion animation

2010-10-05T09:58:00.007-04:00

Dot by Sumo Science
IMHO this is really great.

SNL Katy Perry skit

2010-10-04T15:39:00.006-04:00

Some people made a big fuss about Katy Perry's appearance on Sesame Street. They claim she showed to much.

Documentary "Food, Inc" - you'll never shop at the supermarket again

2010-10-03T13:43:00.005-04:00

I think this doc is a must see but if you can't stand the idea of buying from a health food store or becoming a vegetarian then maybe you shouldn't watch it as you may not want to go back to the supermarket.
Food, Inc. is available for download on Netflix.

Emo hair

2010-10-02T21:20:00.000-04:00

Daylight Savings Time - Things we can do without

2010-10-02T13:33:00.004-04:00

Daylight savings time (DSL) originated with a New Zealand naturalist by the name of George Vernon. He published a couple of papers on it in the late 1800s. His purpose was to extend the number of daylight hours but the general appeal has always been to save on energy. Europe, Russia and the U.S. began using it during WWI and again during WWII. Then in 1966 Congress passed the Uniform Time Act, the first nonwartime implementation. However states retain the right to decide for themselves, for example, Arizona does not follow DLS.
Opinion and fact however do not match up. A study in Indiana has shown that DSL actually uses more energry not less. And other studies have shown the switch to daylight savings may lead to more traffic accidents (sleep deprivation), depression (more suicides after the change), and may even increase the risk of heart attack (incidence spikes from 5 to 10 percent the first week after the clock shift forward). All in all it would seem best to leave the clocks alone.

My first apartment was a dump

2010-09-30T12:46:00.000-04:00

My first apartment was a dump – that simple. I used to describe the carpet as looking like rolled garbage. I don't know where they got it. It looked like a factory mistake – some production error done after the company Christmas party when everyone was totally sloshed. It looked more like recycled carpet pad than actual carpet. Then there was the bathroom. It had a turn of the century (1900) composite floor tile made out of something blackish. The sink was from about 1920. It had separate hot and cold faucets and the bowl had a permanent stain across the bottom as well being completely pock marked. It looked like it had suffered a bad case of sink acne at some point. The walls of the bathroom had little pink plastic tiles – coming unglued of course. To say it looked horrible just doesn't do it justice. And then there was the kitchen, a real gem. It had a ancient refrigerator from about 1960. The kind with a latch door which were taken off the market because people could get stuck inside and die. It also had big rounded corners and was painted pink. I repainted it yellow and it actually ended up looked pretty cool in a vintage sort of way. The kitchen sink was a big white ceramic thing with two white metal cabinets overhead. The only counter space was about 18" between the sink and a tiny gas stove. The counter was made out of something similar to the floor. Some kind of soft plastic looking material but not plastic, black of course. The edge of the counter was covered in unpainted metal. The stove was without a doubt the smallest standing stove you've ever seen. It had four burners but they were so close together as to not be of much use. It was more like one big burner with four parts. And to the immediate left of the stove was the water heater – right on the kitchen counter with pipes and wires sticking out. It made the kitchen look more a boiler room than a kitchen. The one thing I'll say about the place though was that it had nice big old windows, they must have been seven or eight feet high so they let in lots of light. Ahh those were the days...

Funny animation video for grown ups

2010-09-28T14:23:00.006-04:00

Koko the Gorilla loses her kitten

2010-09-26T12:20:00.013-04:00

Amazing. I think I speak for almost everyone when I say that I had no idea how similar gorillas are to us humans. My impression no doubt is a result of Hollywood. All those movies, like King Kong, that portray gorillas as aggressive dangerous monsters. Nothing like a few facts to remind ourselves how little we know.

Go to The Gorilla Foundation for more on Koko and other gorillas and kokoflix for more videos.

Chilean sea bass is actually Patagonian toothfish

2010-09-24T18:34:00.003-04:00

I thought it was interesting that the fishing industry renames species to make them more palatable to the consumer. I would agree that Chilean sea bass sounds better than Patagonian toothfish.

Dissostichus eleginoides
Patagonian toothfiss aka Chilean sea bass

Slimehead was renamed orange roughy and now Asian carp is being renamed silverfin.


Hoplostethus atlanticus Slimehead aka orange roughy

At least in the case of the Asian carp re-branding is hopefully a good thing. It seems these fish have become an invasive species in Lake Michigan. They were introduced in the South 1970s to devour algae in catfish ponds and eventually escaped and made their way up the Mississippi River. So by eating silverfin consumers can help reduce the numbers of this invasive fish, or so the theory goes.
See Seafood Watch for info on fish not to eat.

Why George Will is dangerous

2010-09-23T17:49:00.015-04:00

This post has been moved to my new environmental blog: E Journal

Family Guy clip - songs named after a girl

2010-09-22T14:26:00.000-04:00

Driving joke

2010-09-22T11:37:00.000-04:00

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells, "PIG!!"
The man immediately leans out his window and replies, "BITCH!!"
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

The most persuasive documentary on climate change

2010-09-21T19:45:00.003-04:00

It's unfortunate but the people who need to see the movie The 11th Hour are not the people who will be watching it. I highly recommend it however. It makes the point that the problem we face is a problem of perception. The public needs to be educated on the reality of climate change and just how significant a change is coming.

Facts about burial and "green" burial

2010-09-20T20:19:00.001-04:00

Buried in each acre of a typical cemetery is over 1,000 gallons of formaldehyde-based embalming fluid, 97 tons of steel, 2,000 tons of concrete and 56,000 board feet of wood.
Cremation releases about 350 pounds of carbon dioxide as well as soot particles, sulfur dioxide, and trace metals, including mercury from fillings.
Modern burial practices date back to the Civil War era when embalming was developed to preserve soldier's bodies so they could be shipped home. However embalming is not necessary and neither is a concrete vault or a steel casket. There is a new trend in burial to return to earlier natural methods of burial without the use of toxic chemicals pumped into the body after the bodily fluids are drained. Instead the body is simply placed in a cloth shroud or wicker or softwood casket for burial, dust to dust.
More information can be found at Mark Harris' website, Grave Matters.

"green" caskets
clockwise from top left, a coffin made of pandanus, or wild pineapple; a casket made of hand woven water hyacinth; a stylish biodegradable "Ecopod"; and one made of sustainably grown pine.

source: Audubon magazine

How to protect your home from a burglar

2010-09-17T14:21:00.003-04:00

THINGS YOUR BURGLAR WON'T TELL YOU:

1. Of course I look familiar. I was here just last week cleaning your carpets, painting your shutters, or delivering your new refrigerator.
2. Hey, thanks for letting me use the bathroom when I was working in your yard last week. While I was in there, I unlatched the back window to make my return a little easier.
3. Love those flowers. That tells me you have taste ... And taste means there are nice things inside. Those yard toys your kids leave out always make me wonder what type of gaming system they have.
4. Yes, I really do look for newspapers piled up on the driveway. And I might leave a pizza flyer in your front door to see how long it takes you to remove it.
5. If it snows while you're out of town, get a neighbor to create car and foot tracks into the house. Virgin drifts in the driveway are a dead giveaway.
6. If decorative glass is part of your front entrance, don't let your alarm company install the control pad where I can see if it's set. That makes it too easy.
7. A good security company alarms the window over the sink. And the windows on the second floor, which often access the master bedroom-and your jewelry. It's not a bad idea to put motion detectors up there too.
8. It's raining, you're fumbling with your umbrella, and you forget to lock your door-understandable. But understand this: I don't take a day off because of bad weather.
9. I always knock first. If you answer, I'll ask for directions somewhere or offer to clean your gutters. (Don't take me up on it.)
10. Do you really think I won't look in your sock drawer? I always check dresser drawers, the bedside table, and the medicine cabinet.
11. Here's a helpful hint: I almost never go into kids' rooms.
12. You're right: I won't have enough time to break into that safe where you keep your valuables. But if it's not bolted down, I'll take it with me.
13. A loud TV or radio can be a better deterrent than the best alarm system. If you're reluctant to leave your TV on while you're out of town, you can buy a $35 device that works on a timer and simulates the flickering glow of a real television. (Find it atfaketv.com..)
8 MORE THINGS A BURGLAR WON'T TELL YOU:
1. Sometimes, I carry a clipboard. Sometimes, I dress like a lawn guy and carry a rake. I do my best to never, ever look like a crook.
2. The two things I hate most: loud dogs and nosy neighbors.
3. I'll break a window to get in, even if it makes a little noise. If your neighbor hears one loud sound, he'll stop what he's doing and wait to hear it again. If he doesn't hear it again, he'll just go back to what he was doing. It's human nature.
4. I'm not complaining, but why would you pay all that money for a fancy alarm system and leave your house without setting it?
5. I love looking in your windows. I'm looking for signs that you're home, and for flat screen TVs or gaming systems I'd like. I'll drive or walk through your neighborhood at night, before you close the blinds, just to pick my targets.
6. Avoid announcing your vacation on your Facebook page. It's easier than you think to look up your address.
7. To you, leaving that window open just a crack during the day is a way to let in a little fresh air. To me, it's an invitation.
8.. If you don't answer when I knock, I try the door. Occasionally, I hit the jackpot and walk right in.
Sources: Convicted burglars in North Carolina , Oregon , California , and Kentucky ; security consultant Chris McGoey, who runscrimedoctor.com; and Richard T. Wright, a criminology professor at the University of Missouri-St. Louis, who interviewed 105 burglars for his book Burglars on the Job.

Excellent words seen best on Mars

2010-09-11T18:48:00.000-04:00

Yard sale loser
Bad chef cookies
Evil witch cauldron stew
Mental wet-nurse
Nine mile wide pajamas
Road kill breakfast soup
Peaceful winter leather suit
Deskjocky earning riot
Happenstance revolves in naked circles
Every sight remains the same
Chocolate wishes burn the dishes
Right wing left mental creases
Cheese burns with self delight
No reply heaven beside us
God remembers lusts reward
Helpless infant cleanse the wall
Return my chest in perfect color
Never written with a pen
Barrack remains a perfect friend
Welcome issues return the favor
Replace my one last drop of purple passion
Nestled in the womb so tight
Reading here by candlelight
Open window flies the truth
Gaining momentum with every word
Searched in vain for apples seed
Tea and crumpets fight my battles
Open rage is its own reward
Sex returns for second courses

Best Steve Martin movie scene

2010-09-09T17:53:00.000-04:00

This is my favorite Steve Martin scene and one of my favorite comedy movie moments.
From Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

Weird music video - Band of Skulls

2010-08-03T20:09:00.000-04:00

It's not the music it's the plump, old, sunburn people in their underwear. This is what happens when you eat at McDonald's (see Food, Inc. below) and don't use sunscreen.
If it is slow in loading follow the link to YouTube.

Vinyl is bad for you

2010-06-15T10:52:00.002-04:00

There is a lot of information available now about the dangers of vinyl (PVC). Below is my collection of articles on PVC and other top toxins in our consumer products.
Plastics ingredients may shrink babies
The lowdown on some plastics
Child Obesity Is Linked to Chemicals in Plastics
Brominated flame retardants

5 toxics that are everywhere: Protect yourself

Humorous story about an enterprising crook

2010-04-01T09:21:00.002-04:00

From The London Times:

A Well-Planned Retirement

Outside England's Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot

for 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years, its

parking fees were managed by a very pleasant

attendant. The fees were £1 for cars ($1.40),

£5 for busses (about $7).

Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing

a day of work, he just didn't show up; so the Zoo

Management called the City Council and asked it

to send them another parking agent.

The Council did some research and replied that the

parking lot was the Zoo's own responsibility.

The Zoo advised the Council that the attendant was

a City employee.

The City Council responded that the lot attendant

had never been on the City payrole.

Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain

(or some such scenario), is a man who'd apparently had a

ticket machine installed completely on his own; and then

had simply begun to show up every day, commencing

to collect and keep the parking fees, estimated at about

$560 per day -- for 25 years.

Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over

$7 million dollars!

.....

And no one even knows his name.

Clip from NBC's 'Community' show

2010-03-19T16:18:00.000-04:00

This show is my favorite new sitcom. I think they were lucky to get Chevy Chase.

Church bulletin bloopers

2010-03-18T08:34:00.001-04:00

These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 P.M.. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'.

Contents of a bird's stomach

2010-03-05T08:12:00.004-05:00

The above photo shows the contents of the stomach of an adolescent Laysan albatross found on the Kure Atoll, a tiny speck of land 1380 miles from Honolulu. Photographers David Liittschwager and Susan Middleton had been watching the bird when it died so they opened it up and found that it died from the 12 ounces of indigestible items the bird had scooped up over time from the ocean's surface. The photo shows bottle caps, cigarette lighters and hundreds of plastic bits.
Draw your own conclusions but I think once the 'canaries' go then whom do you think goes next?
source: Audubon magazine

That's a lot of sugar in soda pop

2010-03-01T08:56:00.002-05:00

529 - US consumption of soda (12-ounce servings) per person per year
500% increase in per capita soft drink consumption over the last 50 years
9 teaspoons of sugar per 12-ounce bottle
44 pounds of sugar per year from drinking soda for the average American (9 teaspoons x 529 cans = 4,761 teaspoons / 109 teaspoons per pound = 44 pounds).

sources: National Geographic/Zenith International, US New & World Report

Grains of pollen photo

2010-02-28T10:46:00.001-05:00

Pollen comes in many forms and sizes. The diameter of a pumpkin pollen grain (at center) is as thick as a dollar bill. The tiny speck at its lower right is a grain of forget-me-not pollen.From National Geographic.

Have a nice life

2010-02-24T18:00:00.001-05:00

Isn't it interesting how close "have a nice day" is to "have a nice life".

Elephant lifting a man by his head

2010-02-19T08:40:00.006-05:00

Try to imagine what that must feel like.

I think this photo is amazing. It defies the chaos of the universe!

Famous people who attended Bard College

2010-02-18T20:02:00.015-05:00

A few famous people who attended Bard College:

Chevy Chase, class of 68

Adrian Grenier

Larry Hagman

Blythe Danner, class of 65

Alexandra Wentworth

Christopher Guest

Walter Becker and Donald Fagan of Steely Dan

Peter Sarsgaard

Gaby Hoffman, class of 03

Lady Gaga and Russell Brand look like who?

2010-02-16T10:44:00.001-05:00

something I saw in Entertainment Weekly

Cary Grant and Ingrid Bergman smooching

2010-02-14T18:08:00.003-05:00

Cary Grant and Ingrid Bergman in Notorious (1946 )
(via The Actor's Image)

Valentine's Day kissing

2010-02-14T11:38:00.034-05:00

kissing collage

Final scene from the film Cinema Paradiso (1988) - lots of kissing.

One year in 40 seconds

2010-02-13T07:37:00.000-05:00

Marriage joke

2010-02-12T14:44:00.002-05:00

Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge.
One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge.
He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head.
The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing.
The other guy says, "That was touching. I didn't know you had it in you."
The first guy responds, "Well, I guess it was the right thing to do - after all, I was married to her for 40 years."

Short film starring Kurt Russell, Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning

2010-02-11T18:14:00.013-05:00

Cutlass (2007) is a 16 minute short written and directed by Kate Hudson. It stars Virginia Madsen, Kurt Russell, Kristen Stewart, Dakota Fanning and Chevy Chase.
Plot: When Robin's daughter Lacy wants to buy an expensive guitar, Robin reminisces about the days when she was a teenager, asking her dad for her first car, an Olds Cutlass Supreme.

Snow No! not again

2010-02-11T08:45:00.007-05:00

It looks like Nome, Alaska out there today (Wednesday). There's so much snow that tree limbs are dropping like flies. We're in the middle of our second big snow in four days.

Wednesday around 4 PM.

Wednesday around 5 PM. Taken out the front with snapshot camera.

The total snowfall here was about 18". Add to that the 22" from Saturday and you have 40" in five days, plus the 18" snowfall in December makes 58" so far this year - apparently a new record amount for this part of Pennsylvania.

Joke for married people

2010-02-09T17:58:00.003-05:00

During a bank robbery the robber's mask slid down.
He looked at one of the bystanders and asked, "Did you see my face?"
The man said, "yes!" So the robber shot him.
Then the robber asked a woman, "did you see my face?"
She said. "No, but my husband over there did."

The Big Bang Theory tech talk

2010-02-09T17:43:00.011-05:00

The Big Bang Theory is my fav sitcom/TV show. It's about four smart nerdy types and a pretty woman. The show has smart dialog and good delivery by the cast. Here's a few lines from the Feb 1st episode, The Einstein Approximation. Sheldon, the main (lovable) nut-job nerd, is acting all crazy because he's having trouble with some physics thing he's working on. Howard and Leonard are discussing his behavior:

Howard - How long has he been like this?
Leonard - Intellectually about 30 hours, emotionally about 29 years.
Howard - Have you tried rebooting him?
Leonard - I think it's a firmware problem.

The show is now number one with 18-49 year olds. One of the things I like is that they haven't dumbed it down. They put in technical references, such as the rebooting and firmware jokes. They also throw in some physics, albeit not much. I'm glad the viewing audience has accepted this. And maybe it's the start of a new trend in television, that is, intelligent shows - one can only hope.

How much money do the top movie stars make

2010-02-09T16:26:00.006-05:00

The following list comes from forbes.com for 2009. It includes a few producers but is mostly actors. The list is not exactly a list of top earners. The Forbes list, the 'Celebrity 100' is supposed to be a list of the most 'powerful' celebrities. So there are other actors who should be included based solely on earnings.
In millions of dollars:

Oprah Winfrey 275

George Lucas 170

Steven Spielberg 150

Jerry Bruckheimer 100

Jerry Seinfeld 85

Dr. Phil McGraw 80

Simon Cowell 75

Tyler Perry 75

Harrison Ford 65

Larry David 55

Adam Sandler 55

Will Smith 45

David Letterman 45

Brian Grazer/Ron Howard 45

Chris Rock 42

Nicolas Cage 40

Eddie Murphy 40

Ryan Seacrest 38

Clint Eastwood 35

Tom Hanks 35

Ellen DeGeneres 35

Tom Cruise 33

Jay Leno 32

Jim Carrey 30

Jeff Dunham 30

Brad Pitt 28

Angelina Jolie 27

Sarah Jessica Parker 27

Jennifer Aniston 25

Miley Cyrus 25

George Clooney 25

Daniel Radcliffe 25

Meryl Streep 24

Charlie Sheen 21

Cameron Diaz 20

Steve Carell 20

Katherine Heigl 18

Serena Williams 17

Sandra Bullock 17

Reese Witherspoon 15

Rachael Ray 15

Jon Stewart 14

Drew Barrymore 12

Hugh Laurie 10

Nicole Kidman 9

Eva Longoria Parker 9

Alec Baldwin 8

Mariska Hargitay 8

Anne Hathaway 7

Tina Fey 7

Jennifer Love Hewitt 6

More snow

2010-02-06T12:55:00.010-05:00

Today is our second big snow here in the Pennsylvania. In December we got about 18", today should be about the same.

View out the front at about 7 AM. The snow plow got stuck and a front end loader had to come and pull it out. This is actually the third time in six years this guy has gotten stuck here. The first time he turned the truck over going around the cul-de-sac turn. I have no explanation.

Total snow amount: 22"

How do you manage stress relief

2010-02-06T12:49:00.009-05:00

Exercise is probably the best stress reliever. Your mind can be blank or all worked up. It doesn't matter because your body is taking care of everything. There is a minimum health requirement though - if you're in poor health and in bad condition you could drop dead.
Sex is good but you need a friend to make it really effective. And if you're truly stressed about something it can be hard to get your mind on task. And if you can't get things going that could cause even more stress.
Talking can work if it leads to a satisfying solution or you're able to vent and rant enough to purge your system of anger/resentment or whatever is causing the stress.
Junk food has never worked for me but it might for some. However there is the risk of nausea and vomiting. When I was ten I ate so much chocolate I was sick in bed for two days. Now I can't stand the sight of it.
Yelling can work but you have to do it until you're hoarse.
Meditation is effective but it takes a lot of practice and therefore takes a while to learn. Also, like sex, if you're really hopped up about something then it can be difficult to concentrate and relax.
And of course there is alcohol, smoking and other drugs but they have many side effects not to mention health effects. But drugs can be effective.
Writing in a journal, graffiti, or whatever, could work if you're the right type of person I guess.
Hobbies are good for relaxation but generally not up to snuff for serious stress relief.
As a last resort, if none of these others appeals to you, you could always try beating up somebody. From what I can tell it seems to be most effective on little brothers.

Cary Grant & Katherine Hepburn

2010-02-05T14:22:00.006-05:00

From George Cukor's The Philadelphia Story (1940)
Isn't this a great shot.

trailer
photo from Dr. Marco

Funny commercial

2010-02-05T14:09:00.000-05:00

iPod joke

2010-02-03T11:27:00.001-05:00

Sent to me by my sister.

I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

Funny commercial

2010-02-02T06:13:00.000-05:00

Johnny Depp in Alice in Wonderland

2010-01-31T10:53:00.004-05:00

A still from Tim Burton's upcoming Alice in Wonderland (2010)

Seinfeld phrases that have become part of our language

2010-01-31T09:15:00.001-05:00

What to include in this list is certainly open to debate. I tried to include here those Seinfeld phrases which I think have found their way into our collective language. That is, phrases that are spoken by people other than hard core Seinfeld fans. The truth is the list is probably shorter than this.

Not that there's anything wrong with that Season 4 "The Outing"
The line is spoken by Jerry. He first vehemently proclaims that he is not gay and then uses the line to make it clear he is okay with someone else being gay.
This one tops my list because I find it such a useful/fun phrase. It can be used to modify many negative statements. For example, "I'm not from around here, not that there's anything wrong with that."

Sponge-worthy Season 7 "The Sponge"
Originally used by Elaine to refer to someone she would like to have sex with. At the time her birth-control of choice was the now defunct contraceptive 'sponge'.

Yada yada yada Season 8 "Yada yada yada"
In the show it was first used by a girlfriend of George. She used it to skip over story parts, a kind of fast forward like blah blah blah. Then the rest of the characters started using it in that episode. For example,

Elaine speaking to Jerry, "I met this lawyer, we went out to dinner, I had the lobster bisk, we went back to my place, yada yada yada, I never heard from him again." Then Jerry says, "you skipped the best part." and Elaine says, "no I didn't. I told you about the bisk."

Re-gifter Season 6 "The Label Maker"
Giving a gift you received to another person.

No soup for you! Season 7 "The Soup Nazi"
Spoken by the soup Nazi. An eccentric soup chef who would deny you his soup if you said the tiniest thing he didn't like. So now you use the phrase basically to say NO!

Master of my domain Season 2 "The Contest"
Used to indicate a refrain from masturbating. Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer had contest to see who could refrain the longest.

Strange video - Perfume Genius

2010-01-29T17:29:00.004-05:00

I believe this is a music video for the band Perfume Genius.

Apple comes out with a giant iTouch

2010-01-29T10:23:00.004-05:00

For all you tech lovers out there Apple is coming out with a 9.7 inch iTouch, or iPad, available in March for $499. I own an iTouch and love it so will be sorely tempted to buy one of these new gadgets.

Cary Grant, Raymond Massey and Peter Lorre

2010-01-28T16:45:00.005-05:00

From Frank Capra's excellent Arsenic and Old Lace (1944)

the trailer
Image from Dr. Marco

Workout joke

2010-01-28T09:37:00.035-05:00

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my husband (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
Although I'm still in great shape since being a high school cheerleader 40 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to give it a try. So I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started. The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
________________________________
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today.
Very inspiring!
Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week !!
________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT !! It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?
Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.
_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny little bitch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
_________________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
__________________________
SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up watching ten straight hours of the Weather Channel.
________________________________
SUNDAY:
Thank God this week is over. I pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy.

2010-01-27T09:59:00.002-05:00

Riley Keough by Terry Richardson

Animation video - cooking spaghetti

2010-01-26T13:47:00.002-05:00

Kristen Stewart and Riley Keough could be sisters

2010-01-26T13:45:00.016-05:00

Don't they look alike, at least in this picture?
Left to right, Riley Keough (Elvis' granddaughter), KStew, Dakota Fanning and Joan Jett.
Photo by Brad Elterman
(via suicideblonde)

More Riley Keough

Short film staring Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning

Live puppy cam

2010-01-25T17:13:00.002-05:00

If you haven't seen this - IT'S A LIVE PUPPY CAM!

I once knew a guy who...

2010-01-24T06:10:00.006-05:00

* thought a quarterback was a refund.
* thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
* thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
* at the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" wrote "Sagittarius."
* under "education" on a job application, put "Hooked On Phonics."
* spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate."
* tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
* when he went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," he turned around and went home.
* thought that he could not use his AM radio in the evening.
* had a shirt that said "TGIF," which he thought stood for "This Goes In Front."
* thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.

2010-01-24T06:04:00.007-05:00

You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

But also...

If you don’t have enemies, you don’t have character.
— Paul Newman

Josephson Institute of Ethics

Twilight - a young 100 year old dates a 17 year old

2010-01-23T17:40:00.000-05:00

I watched the movie Twilight on Showtime last night. But this is not my lame review of the flick (however, I did enjoy it, more or less). My question is about Bella (Kristin Stewart) and Edward (Robert Pattinson). In the movie (and the book) she is supposed to be 17 and Edward is supposed to have the body of a 17 year old but in fact be about 100 years old. Now if a 17 year old girl were to date say a 40 year old man, never mind a centigenarian, people would go crazy. He'd be strung up by his soft parts. So what's up with Edward the vampire? Is it that if an older man could walk into a Youthinator machine, like a star-belly Sneetch, and come out the other end young, if that were possible, then society would be all right with the whole thing? Is society saying it's all only skin deep? I didn't think so. I thought it was creepy and abusive and generally considered a moral outrage. So why no eyebrows raised over Edward the vampire and his worldly wise 100 year old mind and soul? And, as if that weren't enough, how is it that he acts 17ish? He's 100 years old for the love of monkeys! In all the vampire movies and shows I've seen the vampire dude who's been around forever is always very sophisticated. This Edward guy must be stuck in some kind of Groundhog Day thing but in reverse. He remembers everything, all 100 years, but his mind never matures. Is that what they're trying to sell us? I know some 40 year olds who act like they're 20. Does that mean if they only looked 17 all would be forgiven? Oh I'm so disappointed - the hypocrisy, the deceit, the shallowness, the general lack of moral policing. What's this world coming to?

Rubik's Cube records

2010-01-22T11:18:00.001-05:00

42 quintillion is the number of possible combinations.
7.08 seconds is the current world-record time for solving the Rubik's Cube puzzle, held by Erik Akkersdjik of the Netherlands.
13.80 seconds is the current world-record for solving the puzzle with one hand, held by Gunnar Krig of Sweden.
36.72 seconds is the current world-record for solving the puzzle with feet only, held by Anssi Vanhala of Finland.

Rubik's Cube records

Shameless but funny car commercial

2010-01-21T15:56:00.006-05:00

I believe the commercial was shown in Spain.

People symbols

2010-01-20T08:19:00.003-05:00

(via maluna)

Words of love and romance

2010-01-19T18:16:00.000-05:00

Since Valentine's Day is coming soon I decided to compile some written expressions of love.

For those in love:

When I'm with you the whole world melts away.

Because of you I know what love is.

When we dance I feel as though we're alone on the dance floor, everyone else just fades away. All I see is your beautiful face.

My love for you has made me so happy I feel as if my feet hardly touch the ground.

As long as I'm with you the world could end and I wouldn't be scared.

Your touch feels as though an angel is reaching down to me.

Your touch moves me to the core of my being.

The closeness of you, the warmth of your breath, can bring me to the highest place beyond my imagination.

When two lovers must part:

When the winds blow and we are blown with them, perhaps to opposite sides of the sun, the moon will always reflect the glow of these last days we have spent together because of you.

Warmth abounds with your affection and anyone lucky and receptive enough to feel it should be proud to call you friend.

I'll always cherish the time we've spent together.

Thoughtful Jack

Christmas lights burnout

Fun photos

A bit of tool, as in workshop, humor

Jack Benny joke

Dinner at my house

Merry Christmas

Great whale rescue story

Katy Perry on The Simpsons Christmas special

Animated Bach

George Carlin - People are Boring

New Yorker cartoon

Impresive amazing stunts and athletic feats

John Cleese in Faulty Towers

Jimmy Kimmel spoofs Charlie Sheen's publicist

Stop-action animation commercial - interior of house gets knitted

Forkless bicycle with floating front wheel

SNL Weekend Update with Chevy Chase and Dan Akroyd 1975

Mad Men's Bette Draper has a date with her washing mashine

Mad Men's new femme fatale Jessica Pare

Barfing pumpkin

Mad Men theme song with added lyrics

stop-motion animation video with T-shirts

Best Unknown Halloween Songs

SNL edible diaper commercial

Smoking cigarettes collage

Does George Will work for ExxonMobil?

Woman swimming in bed - stop-motion animation

Street artist Banksy does new Simpsons intro

Freaks and Geeks - best teen TV show

Allen Havey stand-up on Letterman

In the mood for Halloween

Mad Men smoke that cigarette

Morgan Freeman as a singing Count Dracula in a bathtup casket

Tiny woman on bumble bee - stop-motion animation

SNL Katy Perry skit

Documentary "Food, Inc" - you'll never shop at the supermarket again

Emo hair

Daylight Savings Time - Things we can do without

My first apartment was a dump

Funny animation video for grown ups

Koko the Gorilla loses her kitten

Chilean sea bass is actually Patagonian toothfish

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Best Steve Martin movie scene

Weird music video - Band of Skulls

Vinyl is bad for you

5 toxics that are everywhere: Protect yourself

Humorous story about an enterprising crook

Clip from NBC's 'Community' show

Church bulletin bloopers

Contents of a bird's stomach

That's a lot of sugar in soda pop

Grains of pollen photo

Have a nice life

Elephant lifting a man by his head

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Lady Gaga and Russell Brand look like who?

Cary Grant and Ingrid Bergman smooching

Valentine's Day kissing

One year in 40 seconds

Marriage joke

Short film starring Kurt Russell, Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning

Snow No! not again

Joke for married people

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How much money do the top movie stars make

More snow

How do you manage stress relief

Cary Grant & Katherine Hepburn

Funny commercial

iPod joke